As a one-time student, I hope to see you at Eurostar. In fact it was a note about the conference programme on the Eurostar website that I wanted to write about:

‘Please Note: This is A preliminary programme and may change in advance of the conference.’

It’s unlikely to change afterwards!

Initially I was going to submit this purely for silliness, but I think it complements the beer thread. Both are to do with context. Everyone playing the beer game was contextualising beer and bars, while the problem with the website text is that there’s an implied misunderstanding of the context of an exhibition programme. I think, for testers, especially those who would free themselves from the shackles of the expected result, that an understanding of context is key.

[James’ reply: The irony is that certified testers usually can’t even explain in detail the v-model, etc., nor can they defend themselves in an argument. It’s just a multiple choice exam they take!] 

—Michael B.

Do you expect a bill when your order a beer a the bar, and you are the owner of the bar?
Do you expect a bill after every beer you order? or at the end when you close your tap?

Actually, I wrote a long list that I saved under the filename “Heuristics of Beer”. I got modest and only posted the second-last line of it, but now you’ve gone and appealed to my baser instincts. Remember: these are heuristics, so they usually work but they might fail.

• I expect the beer to be delivered in a glass, a cup, a bottle or a pitcher, and not in (say) a firehose or tanker truck.
• I expect to receive a quantity of beer consistent with what’s advertised on the menu.
• I expect to receive the same quantity of beer as people making orders that are similar to mine.
• I expect the establishment to follow the relevant business and liquor licensing laws (and I expect to be surprised when I find out that they’re not).
• I expect to get a glass or cup with the beer, unless social convention (e.g. a sports bar) suggests that it’s okay not to get one.
• I expect the volume of the glass to be consistent with the volume of beer than I’m receiving.
• I expect the glass to be clean.
• I expect the beer (and appropriate containers) to be placed on the table, not dropped on the ground, rested on a chair, poured into my lap, etc. If something of that nature does occur, then I expect apologies, an offer to help with my cleaning bill, and (of course) another beer.
• I expect the beer to be placed on my table, at my place, and not on someone else’s table or at someone else’s place at my table.
• I expect there to be no adulterants in my beer. Kahlua is right out.
• I expect there to be no invisible toxins in my beer. I expect not to keel over in my chair upon taking the first sip.
• I expect not to be asked to sing before I’m permitted to have the beer.
• I expect the waiter to be reasonably sympathetic and courteous.
• I expect the brand of beer to be the brand that I ordered.
• I expect the bottle (if there is one) to contain the brand of beer that the bottle identifies.
• I expect to receive a beer only if I’ve ordered one.
• I expect to receive only one beer, unless I’ve ordered multiple beers, in which case I expect to receive the number that I’ve ordered.
• If the kind of beer I ordered is not available, I expect that to be reported to me, and I expect to be offered another choice.
• I expect not to receive a deer, an ear, fear, a gear, a jeer, a leer, a peer, a seer, a steer, a spear, a tear, a weir, or a year. Or a von Trier.
• I expect the bottle to be full.
• I expect the bottle to be open.
• I expect the beer not to be flat.
• I expect the waiter to pour it (or not) in a manner that’s consistent with the image of the establishment that is providing it.
• I expect the beer to be served at an appropriate temperature (which varies with the kind of beer proffered).
• If it’s a Guinness, I half-expect the person pouring the beer to have inscribed a shamrock in the foam with the last few drops from the tap, which I despise as being phony, inauthentic, and twee.
• I expect to have to describe “twee” to the staff when I complain about the shamrock.
• I except the colour of the beer to be consistent with the kind of beer than I ordered.
• I expect the beer not to have gone skunky in the bottle.
• I expect to see nothing floating in the beer (unless it’s a Mexican beer, in which case I might expect a lime in it).
• I expect not to be threatened by the restaurant staff.
• I expect that someone will bring me the beer reasonably promptly.
I expect to receive another beer the next time I ask for one.
• I expect other people at the table to receive the beers of their choice, whether our choices are the same or whether they differ.
• I expect to change my expectation, depending on whether the bar is empty or crowded.
• New information might change my expectations. “There’s no table service here, sir; you’ll have to go to the bar and get it yourself.”
• I expect that if I have a problem with any of the above, that the waiter or manager will attempt to resolve the problem to my satisfaction.
• I expect to get a bill.
• If I own the restaurant, I expect not to get a bill.

I can’t remember a time when it’s been more appropriate in a blog comment to say…

Cheers,

—Michael B.

[James’ Reply: I expect the waiter to understand my expectations, even if I don’t list them.] 

[James’ Reply: SQE filmed it. But, I have no idea if or where it will be posted.] 

Do you expect a bill when your order a beer a the bar, and you are the owner of the bar?
Do you expect a bill after every beer you order? or at the end when you close your tap?

When I order a beer at the bar, I expect to get a bill, too.

—Michael B.

Thanks for giving up some time afterwards to chat with me about my over-documentation issues.

I’ve worked as a tester for 14 years having never known certifications or even institutionally accepted terminology. In fact, Star East ‘07 has been the first time I’ve mingled with the QA world at large. As a result, my head has been swimming with the idea that I must be grossly inadequate as a tester (and as a test team lead) since I’ve spent so long being so unaware of the various methods and processes created over the years.

But then, during the after-chat following your presentation, I realized that my lack of terminology has in no way impeded my ability to test. I’m still going back to my organization with a lot of new ideas for possible improvement, but I’m likely to assess these ideas much more critically than I had originally intended as I have now recovered from my sense of QA vertigo.

It was great meeting you. And kudos for being the only presenter this week to liberally use Star Wars references.

[James’ Reply: Thanks, Travis. Actually they asked me to do the How To Fake A Test Project talk again at STAR West. So, I suspect they didn’t fully understand what I was saying.

I am happy to have helped you be a little less alienated from your own self-worth. That’s what makes speaking fun. Keep in touch.]

Looking forward to seeing you at EuroSTAR. To bad I can´t attend your tutorial since I have my own. I am happy, and a bit surprised that they let you give the starting tutorial about NOT being certified. That will surely start some (well-needed) discussions. After all, if something does not stand up to scrutiny - it is probably not good enough.

I have an idea of how to make the coneference more interesting. As you said yourself you will not be attending the talks but prefer discussing with people. I would like to plan for some unplanned peer meetings during the day. Let´s get a flip-chart and gather some people for fruitful discussions. Who attends will be random, we will just have to explain the rules and have a few mini-presentations of max 15 minutes to start the discussions. The STaRT meetings in Sweden have been a success so far and have spread to Ann-Charlottes bank. I would love to hear more about how to fake a test project.

[James’ Reply: Sounds like a great idea. Also, I generally make an open offer to meet with people before or after the conference and do testing exercises and challenges. More walk, less talk.]

[James’ Reply: Okay, I will.]